This day is so fucked up. All things aren’t in the right place. My mind is so fucked up and i can’t do anything about it. My thoughts are suffocating me. My instincts are killing me slowly. Why am I like this? Loving her turned me into this pitiful man. I’m so helpless. Why can’t you love me truly? Why can’t you let me enter your life? Your real life? Why? You told me that you love the real me but why can’t I feel anything? Am I numb already? You’re confusing me. The fact that we’re already OOC but it feels like we’re still IC? You told me that we’re official but why can’t you tell me everything about you? What’s your name? I bet it is so beautiful like you. Why can’t you tell me? Why? Are you confused? I love you, your typist. You said you love me too but why can’t you tell me? Are you hiding something? I want to know you better. I want to know real facts about you. I’m interested in you. But I guess you’re not interested in me. It’s okay. It is really okay if you tell me. You don’t have to show it. All I want is genuine love. Please tell me what you really feel. I don’t wanna be fool. Please be true to your feelings and don’t lie.

Please, I’m begging you.

I’m hurt. I think I’m a cursed for having this instincts and some of it are true. I have this lover. I met her in rpw haha fake world. At first we are only rp to rp which means no personal infos related but as time goes by I’m finally loving her operator the one who’s controlling that account. She made me the happiest, she’s always there for me whenever I feel sad and having anxiety. She made me feel that I’m really special. Her sugarcoated words melt me and that made me love her even more. She’s really my type. A person who is mature, sweet and who can understand me. There’s a lot of character traits that she has that made me fall in love with her. I love her so much. Not her rp but her op. We’re already two months and counting. But yesterday we talked about my op and her op. I asked her if she wants to level up our relationship into OOC. She said it depends on me but my instincts were saying that she’s just forcing herself. She said we’re official. The real Stig and Elijah are dating already. I was really happy that night I even cried hahahaha. But she seemed like not happy. She seemed like she was just forced to be with me. I told her that it is okay to reject it or to say no to my question. I am not forcing her to be with me. But seriously she seemed like not interested in me. Hahaha I’m hurt and confused. We were talking about our op’s like everything about our typist especially our future. She said she wanted to be with me in the future. She said she wanted us to have a dogs and cats in the future. She said she won’t make me work in the future because she will be the one who would work because she knows that I’m lazyass. But now she’s already mine. She’s my girlfriend now but she changed. I think she’s just doing this because of her promises that she won’t leave me she wants me to give up first. I’m really hurt right now. I stalked her real account I saw her posts about her crush. How I wish I was him. She’s in love with him not me? Am I right? I’ve never been so hurt like this before I could still accept that she would cheat on me but this? One sided love? God please. I’m already 20 years old. I’ve been existing for fucking 20 years but all I got is heartbreak. I’m too old for this now. I want the real love. I want someone who would love me. The real me. I wish she would love me. I love you so much Stig.

Fake world? fake feelings? Mine are true.

Hello guys I’m Elijah I’m here to start writing my own blogs about my thoughts and feelings. Thank you.